Thursday, February 3, 2011 @ 5:54 AM
no one is ever gonna see this so its perfect :)
perfect for me to vent my heart out.
fighting is very common in my hse now. like seriously.
i am not exactly miss nice or whatever and my sis has been pretty rude
and cant help it so i just snap. and behave like a total bitch. hate myself
my dad gets so dejected but i still cannot stop myself.
if my sis was nicer to me this post wld be so redundant.
she can be so selfish and im seflish right back. i wish i could actually share all this with someone.
like REALLY share. but no one is EVER gonna read this thank god.
actually i wish someone WOULD read this and tell me they care. about me.
and they love me. and that they do not wish to see me sad. and tell me they are here for me. and not judge me based on my behavior with my family. i miss my mum so much it hurts. i think abt her EVERYDAY and sometimes the tears just flow. sometimes i hate coming home so much. i hated coming home to an empty hse but now? i LOVE IT. i even cut myself. when my sis threw something at me and it broke and for some reason i just picked it up and well cut myself. maybe i was hoping that someone wld realise and finally I CAN CONFIDE in someone. but no one realsied. no one even realised i was upset. ran tao did :) so someone does care even in the most subtle ways. i suppose iwant someone to realsie and scream at me and worry abt me. but who? no one...my mum would have seen them. she would have known. god i miss her so much :(
and it hurts. from the inside out. i want her back. i want her now. i want her to hug me and kiss me and tell me everything will be fine. i want the feel of her cool handss on my cheek. i want too hear her soothing voice. i want to cuddle up beside her and sleep peacefully. i want to eat food cooked by her. i want her.
